Pets and the Freaks that Own Them

I am not a lover of animals. I don't want them to suffer, but I personally don't need them in my life. I think horses are cool but expensive. Cats are useless. Dogs for the most part aren't bad when cared for by somebody else. They just need to be kept in appropriate areas, like a cage, fence, house, etc.

Everything changes when dog owners are in public places with their delightful companions. I'm fairly certain dogs can sense that I don't like them. Why else would the following scene happen dozens of times?

While out enjoying nature and that wonderful warming that the earth is currently going through, off in the distance a dog approaches. The dog's owner is further away, strangely holding a leash that is not connected to the dog. The beast races towards me, barking, growling, drooling; angry eyes and all. Usually my path is blocked by the half-bear, half-wolf. The dog owner shows up a minute letter, expressing shock and surprise that their angel dog could somehow cause concern for anybody. "Oh, Snaggletooth won't hurt you. He's really quite friendly and harmless. I think he likes you." As I struggle to move past the beast, my cussing is drowned out by the incessant barking.

For years I've wondered what I could do or say to let the freak know he needs to be more responsible with his little angel/beast. Is it too much to expect dog owners to keep their dogs under control out in public? I keep a leash on my kids when we all leave the house. Why can't they do the same with their dogs?

I decided to attend one of those home Taser parties that are all the rage with the neighborhood ladies. Sure, I was the only male in attendance. Yes, they all intend to use their Tasers on would-be human attackers. Why can't I use my Taser on the next pit bull that gets in front of me while jogging? I'm sure it would stun the dog enough to allow me to get away without wetting myself - and might teach the freak owner to be more responsible. I don't think a stun would kill some of the larger breeds. If I happen to be attacked by a poodle next time out - well, that's a chance I may have to take.

I take it back - I was wrong

One of my previous posts went on and on about the hypocrisy involved in the whole global warming hoax. I've decided that I was wrong. I completely believe in global warming. In fact, I'd like to hasten its arrival. Can't we speed up the process a bit?

This is my first full winter spent in Northern Utah in over 10 years. I enjoy snow. I used to enjoy skiing. We took the kids ice skating for the first time this week. Snow makes everything beautiful and clean. But it is cold - way too cold. In fact, the past 10 years the global trend has been that of cooling. So, if in fact, human-caused carbon emissions are at fault for global warming/climate change, I say bring it on. Enough of this green crap, let's go grey!!! I've started letting my car idle wherever I go. I consistently have 15 lights on in our house at any one time (that might be 15 polar bears I have personally killed this week). We've decided to go on a meat-only diet for the next year. I don't own any factories personally, but I'm hoping they will increase emissions exponentially.

Honestly, what would be so bad about "summer all the time"? As a country, we might lose California and Florida to the oceans. But if something wacky happens in the nation, it is usually in one of the two. I'll think we could do alright without them. Just think how great Montana would be if it were 70 degrees in the winter. So please, join with me in the new "grey movement". Let's hasten global warming and forever rid ourselves of 6 months of snow and winter. You know you'd like it.

Lincoln - Right Here, Right Now!!!

The past month President Obama has been trying to channel the spirit and essence of one of America's greatest leaders, Abraham Lincoln. Of course, they both hail from Illinois. Obama rode a train to his inauguration, just like Lincoln. He even used the same Bible Lincoln did to take the oath. And finally today, on Lincoln's birthday, Obama helped to reopen the theatre where Lincoln was murdered. Many people are caught up in the similarities between the two men. In fact, if you squint hard enough, they almost look like each other (except for the lack of beard, and, oh yeah, one of them is black).

Like Lincoln, President Obama is trying to heal the wounds of a divided nation, and honestly, I hope he succeeds. A few days ago I came across a quote from Lincoln. I wish that Obama would strive to emulate his hero more in the following area:

Property is the fruit of labor. Property is desirable, is a positive good in the world. That some should be rich shows that others may become rich and hence is just encouragement to industry and enterprise. Let not him who is houseless pull down the house of another, but let him work diligently to build one for himself, thus by example assuring that his own shall be safe from violence...I take it that it is best for all to leave each man free to acquire property as fast as he can. Some will get wealthy. I don't believe in a law to prevent a man from getting rich; it would do more harm than good. (Quoted from The Freeman: Ideas on Liberty, May 1955, p. 7.)


Much was made during the campaign about Obama's "spreading the wealth around" comment to Joe the Plumber. Somehow it has become a bad thing to acquire wealth. It is bad to be successful. People that achieve are just being selfish. I've never made a lot of money - my wife will wholeheartedly agree with that. But someday I would like to. Is that bad? If your boss came to you and said, "Nick, if you work just a little bit harder and put in a few more hours a week, I will increase your salary to $250K." Do you think you would turn that offer down? Would you say, "No, that's not for me. I don't want to have to pay more taxes and be considered a selfish bastard."

Wouldn't you jump on that offer? Just think of the good you could do with all that extra income - for your kids, for your church, for the needy. But apparently our government knows a better way to spend that money. I wish they would have consulted with Lincoln.

Lessons learned from....Congress

Common sense tells us that when times are bad it is best to tighten your belt, tighten your budget, and be smart with your money. Our representatives, including our President, have told us that we all must sacrifice to get through this period of turmoil. Businesses stop hiring, stop building, stop growing, with the hope that they can survive the downturn. But one business is going against the grain - the federal government.

If reports are correct, Nancy Pelosi walked down the aisle of the House asking her fellow representatives what they wanted out of the stimulus bill. There has been much debate about whether most of the projects in the bill will actually "stimulate" the economy. Or are they pet projects to make special interest groups and their loyal representatives happy? Regardless, isn't that a disturbing image? The 3rd most powerful person in America running up and down the aisle doing her best Santa Clause impersonation - "What do you want, Timmy? What can I get for you, Sally?" Almost a trillion dollars of gifts for all the good boys and girls. Christmas has come 10 months early for the federal government.

As a family we decided what is good for the government is good for us. We had a family meeting of sorts. I ran through the house asking each family member what they wanted. Jamison wants a new bike, a Wii, and a maid who will do his chores for him. Jessica wants a grand piano, a tennis racket, and braces. Cindy wants a BMW 6 series and a trip to Australia. I'll just take a new scooter (life has been empty since I sold the yellow one). We don't have the money currently. We can't print the necessary money like the government will. But we do have a couple of credit cards and thousands in a home equity line of credit that is just itching to be spent.

Why not? Somebody somewhere will help us out. We're the victims in this whole mess. We just want to do our part in keeping our consumer-driven economy rolling. Please join us in our efforts to be like the government. It sounds kind of fun, doesn't it?

The Problem with Politics

It is obviously difficult to narrow the problem with politics down to one major issue. All politicians seem to speak from the same script. Each of them arrives in Washington saying they are different and won't stand for "politics as usual". However, they seem to quickly discover that in order to get anything accomplished they must play the game. From my viewpoint, they seem to be more interested in job security and their eventual re-election than they are the long-term stability and success of the nation.

Here are a few problems I can see with politics:

• power corrupts
• money influences votes
• many stay in Washington way too long to care about the average citizen
• many politicians believe that government can accomplish things better than individuals

I'm sure you can add many of your own complaints. Regardless of which side of the fence you sit on, politicians give us many reasons to dislike or distrust them. In my opinion, one problem rises above them all. It undermines the entire system and is contrary to everything logical. The problem: whichever party is not in control desperately wants the country to fail. The economy, the war, social programs - it doesn't matter. If their party is not in charge, something is very wrong and needs to change. Both Republicans and Democrats are equally guilty. But why? Because if the country is struggling and people are hurting, they can scream loud and proud, "We told you so!!! Our plan is better. We can save the country - just give us a chance." Then when they gain control, the other party desires nothing but bad to happen to the nation.

Maybe it's just me. It doesn't seem healthy for half of a nation's elected officials to wish for bad things to happen to that nation. Wouldn't it be better if every elected leader truly wanted what was best for the country, not for themselves or their party? Many politicians just can't seem to look past partisan idiocy.

I'm sure there are many solutions to this and other political problems. I can only come up with one after hours of brainstorming with my pretend friend Timmy. Term limits. Let these distinguished leaders go to Washington, play fair from the beginning, learn how to work well with others, bust their tails, and hope like crazy the nation is in a better condition then when they arrived. Then move on with their lives. Go be productive members of society, not career politicians. Is that too much to ask?

Taxes? Who Needs 'Em?

I don't know of anybody who loves to pay taxes. Kind of like WalMart, paying taxes is a necessary evil. However, with last year's campaign and election, Americans voiced their collective opinion: higher taxes might be a good thing. How else are we going to pay for all of the new government programs and agencies necessary to make our lives better and more complete? Our new Vice President even told us that paying taxes was a way to show our patriotism.

"It's time to be patriotic...time to jump in, time to be part of the deal, time to help get America out of the rut."

The past few weeks have taught us one thing: paying taxes is a good thing for other people to do. There have been three high profile appointees for Cabinet positions who had "minor" problems with paying all of their taxes the past few years. Two of these appointees withered under the spotlight of public scrutiny and decided to withdraw their names from consideration. One of them, Tom Daschle, should have listened to his own speech from 11 years ago:

"Make no mistake, tax cheaters cheat us all, and the IRS should enforce our laws to the letter."

I tend to agree with the former senator. If everybody paid their fair share this country would be a great place to live. Better yet, if most of our elected officials actually lived by the same rules that ordinary citizens had to live by, the tax code and reams of government regulation would be reduced dramatically. The guy in charge of that tax code, amongst other things, is Timothy Geithner, another tax cheat. But he happens to be the only person in America smart enough to guide us out of this financial chaos. All of those so-called geniuses being educated in our finest universities who aren't tax cheaters can't hold a candle to this guy. Finally, Nancy Killefer was set to become the Chief Performance Officer, a brand new position in the administration. Her role: "to make government more effective, more efficient, and more transparent". Apparently the transparency was too much for her as it was revealed she failed to pay property taxes. That's a shame.

I still haven't heard Vice President Biden publicly denounce any of these people for being "unpatriotic". Maybe another prominent democrat was right all along. John Edwards' entire campaign was based on there being "two Americas". Maybe he actually meant one America for politicians and the other America for the rest of us. I'm left to try to continue to cheat on my taxes while the rest of you dutifully pay yours. I am very impressionable that way. I'm only following their examples.

The Circle of Life

I'm still a young father who is learning on the go about parenting and life. I've also had many opportunities to work with the elderly in my career. I've discovered that my kids have much in common with their elderly counterparts. There's obviously an age that most kids grow out of certain behaviors. Likewise, as people age they rediscover what was lost years before. I can't explain why this "circle of life" happens. But I would like to know approximately at what age these transitions occur so I'll be able to enjoy the show.


Just a few examples:

1. They aren't aware they have food on their face during or after a meal.
2. They have no filter - if they think it, they say it.
3. Bodily noises from both ends are released with reckless abandon.
4. Most of their trousers have urine dribble stains.
5. They are completely oblivious to hangers out of the nose.
6. They can wear the same clothes for days without a care in the world.
7. Pureed food is the consistency of choice.
8. They end up in diapers whether they like it or not.
9. TV is the entertainment of choice between meals.
10. People communicating with them speak loudly, using hand gestures and exaggerated facial expressions.
11. Too often people call them stupid nicknames rather than their real name.

All of the above examples could aptly describe either a baby/kid or an elderly person. However, I have noticed one major difference between the two where the circle of life may have taken a detour: naps. Kids avoid them like the plague. Elderly folks somehow accomplish all of the above activities while napping. Maybe if kids were medicated as much as the elderly, they would enjoy naps, too. It's just an idea....

It's Easy to be a Hypocrite

I am not a proponent of global warming. I should get that out in the open. I think humans should be responsible and good to the planet. However, I don't believe that our selfish lifestyles are the lone reason for the 1 degree increase in global temperature over the past century. In fact, I'm not sure even the advocates of global warming truly believe what they are spouting. Why else would they change the name of the most destructive catastrophe in history to "global climate change"? Do you think earthquakes used to be called "ground shimmies" until scientists learned their actual destructive capacity? Maybe it is called climate change now because the earth hasn't been warming at the rate the computer models predicted. But I digress...

I think if one truly believes in global warming it is very difficult to avoid being a hypocrite. For years we have been told that driving our SUVs and drilling for oil and building refineries and factories that spew filth into the atmosphere have brought us to the brink of destruction. We are all at fault, some more than others. But every little thing we do that emits carbon into the atmosphere takes us closer to the edge.

So where does the hypocrisy come in? If you drive a car, you are contributing to global warming. You may feel good about that new hybrid you just purchased that costs an additional 5K and gets 10 mpg more than a regular car. However, hybrids emit partial zero emissions, which have to be somewhat above actual zero. At least some deadly carbon dioxide is getting into the atmosphere. You may be holding out for the Chevy Volt, that fancy new electric car GM will unveil next year. But how will you recharge your Volt? Where does that charge come from? Won't it likely come from a coal-powered plant? Or maybe from a nuclear plant, the cleanest of all energies? I know we all would like this power to come from wind or solar, but not yet - not by many years and many government subsidies. If you are required to leave your house for any reason (lets say for a job) and you want to be completely green, you better live close enough to ride a bike. Because any other form of transportation (even public) is going to emit evil carbon and you are contributing to global warming. Ride a bike, don't be a hypocrite.

What if you have a spouse and family who also like to leave the house occasionally and travel. You could hop on an airplane to some remote location that is all green and not damaged by the idiots of mankind. But wouldn't that airplane use jet fuel? And how would you get to the airport? Could the whole family get there safely on bikes? What about your luggage? So many questions, so close to hypocrisy.

Do you like to eat meat? If so, you might be contributing to global warming. The cattle industry is responsible for more deadly emissions than all of our cars combined. Maybe you are a vegan. All of those green vegetables you purchase at the store were transported there by a diesel truck. There was probably a tractor or some other piece of machinery involved in the farming process of those veggies. Probably your best eating option would be to clear some of your own land for a garden. But don't use any power tools to garden. That would be hypocritical.

I suppose I wouldn't be so annoyed by the whole global warming issue if those that spoke the loudest actually practiced what they preach. Al Gore's mansion in Tennessee, his private jet, and SUV have all been well-documented on the Internet. Governor Schwarzenegger commutes daily from LA to Sacramento in his private jet. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi demanded she have a private jet when elected as Speaker of the House. Each of these vocal advocates has told the rest of America numerous times we need to cut back on our evil lifestyles. I guess the warnings they unselfishly give to us are important enough to cancel our their carbon footprints.

Another annoyance I have concerns money. How many millions has Gore made off of global warming? I'm all for capitalism. Yeah capitalism!!! I guess I would listen closer if I believed he was preaching out of the goodness of his heart. The carbon offset industry has to be the biggest scam since Cutco knives came onto the scene. Any business that profits solely on people feeling guilty for living life has my admiration. Most of the people I'm aware of who are pursuing their mission or calling in life do so without much compensation. Maybe Gore is a new kind of humanitarian, perfect for this day of hope and change. Or maybe he's just a hypocrite.

Please let me live my life. I'll treat the earth with care and concern. But don't regulate my every decision. I don't need the government involved in every aspect of my life. I don't need some alarmist profiting from debatable information telling me how to live my life. Isn't good old common sense the best answer for most questions? Maybe it's just me...